I'm Late

Dear Dick,

I bet you thought I forgot about you today. This letter is coming late, as that can sometimes happen, but it was bound to come. I couldn't forget about you. I'm sure I was probably talking to someone about you or looking at pictures of you and thinking about you. You're everywhere! Even though we've been out of touch, I'm not giving up on you. When I see you again I'm going to hold on for dear life, or at least until you make me release. (laugh)

I was just thinking how unfair it is that you can keep your shape so much easier than Vagina, no matter how much you throw yourself around or how careless you are. That's another one of those unfair things about being a woman. You don't have to have any -plasty or anything like Vagina might. People even grade you on a curve but Vagina fails to get the same treatment if her grade starts lagging or if she starts losing her shape. I heard someone say that they never gave you more than two and a half months off in life. Don't you ever get tired? I don't know how you do it, but as long as when you do it for me you just keep on doing it only for me, we'll be alright. 

 Since I waited so late to write you today, it's going to be hard for me to keep you up. I'll talk to you again in a bit.

Love, 

Me