Dear Dick,
I was late writing to you yesterday. Know that if I ever neglect you I'll do back bends and give you extra kisses - long, open-mouth, wet ones - trying to make it up to you. I'm giving it to you twice today to make up for missing yesterday. You need to know that about women: when we love you, there's almost nothing we won't do to keep you happy, but you have to know and do your part. We can do without you but we'd rather not. And with friends like Vagina, it's not hard to find another hard one like you. They're everywhere just waiting for you to get into the wrong stuff or be seen out with another woman, or with her hands on you. Of course we sometimes forgive you and take you back, but some of us never look at you the same. It's not easy for us to do you the way we used to do you after that. It takes a lot for us to even let you touch us again. We may not kiss you the way we did before, if at all. We probably don't even hold you the way we used to. You almost have to start over like you've never had us before and that is too much for most of you to handle.
I'm going to keep this short and sweet, but just note that short and sweet is not usually a good thing. I want to keep it light and save something for next time. I'm going to be seeing you soon and I hope you are ready to give me a deep tissue massage with long, firm strokes. You can throw in some of that pulsating action you do, too. Just thinking about it is going to give me sweet dreams. I'm going to take you on a ride you will never forget, or vice versa. Either way we are going to enjoy one another. Until we talk again, stay out of the rain or wear your galoshes if you must go and play in it.
Love,
Me
I was late writing to you yesterday. Know that if I ever neglect you I'll do back bends and give you extra kisses - long, open-mouth, wet ones - trying to make it up to you. I'm giving it to you twice today to make up for missing yesterday. You need to know that about women: when we love you, there's almost nothing we won't do to keep you happy, but you have to know and do your part. We can do without you but we'd rather not. And with friends like Vagina, it's not hard to find another hard one like you. They're everywhere just waiting for you to get into the wrong stuff or be seen out with another woman, or with her hands on you. Of course we sometimes forgive you and take you back, but some of us never look at you the same. It's not easy for us to do you the way we used to do you after that. It takes a lot for us to even let you touch us again. We may not kiss you the way we did before, if at all. We probably don't even hold you the way we used to. You almost have to start over like you've never had us before and that is too much for most of you to handle.
I'm going to keep this short and sweet, but just note that short and sweet is not usually a good thing. I want to keep it light and save something for next time. I'm going to be seeing you soon and I hope you are ready to give me a deep tissue massage with long, firm strokes. You can throw in some of that pulsating action you do, too. Just thinking about it is going to give me sweet dreams. I'm going to take you on a ride you will never forget, or vice versa. Either way we are going to enjoy one another. Until we talk again, stay out of the rain or wear your galoshes if you must go and play in it.
Love,
Me
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