Unhealthy Diet of Overeating Junk

Dear Dick,

The response I get from you made me reduce my letters to you to once a week, now.
That junk you call yourself feeding me is not nourishing. It's no good for me. I can't grow on that stuff. It's not even tasty. Every now and then you used to serve up something delicious and remembering that has been tempting, but it has never been satisfying. It always left me like people say Chinese food does them: I never got full. Sometimes it even made me sick to the point of feeling poisoned. I would have to stay away from you for long periods to get it out of my system. Then, like an addict I go right back to my love drug of choice: feasting on you. I finally subscribed to my own program to stop overeating.
I know it's unhealthy for me. I can't imagine what is happening to your insides. It's really bad for the heart. You keep trying new dish after new dish, after new dish always thinking 'if you could find just one you like,' not even realizing that you can't be satisfied with just one because you have so many "tastes" in your system. You don't know which one was good for you. Even when you figure out more than one of the tastes you got was all you needed, you've already let good food rot. You didn't keep it hot, you let it sit around lukewarm until it got to room temperature and spoiled. Then you come back for it and wonder why it's bitter. Well, of course it's not going to taste the same. You nibble at it anyway because it looks the same on the outside, it hasn't really changed composition, yet by this time it knows it not your favorite dish by the way it keeps getting served. 
It's not that the meal is bad. It's not that it's unhealthy. It's nutritional, filling, and very good for you and conducive to your healthy growth. However, you've been spoiled by having a palette that isn't easy to please and when you decide you want a certain taste perhaps its already past its shelf life. You try putting it in a microwave with all that bad energy - it just comes out rubbery and you call it fake. You might put it over a fire and turn up the heat way too high trying to speed things up and when you overcook it you're mad that it's hard and tough. You can't even chew on it. So you leave it on the counter again knowing you're going to come back for it. If you only knew you could throw out the bad food and start all over with a new recipe and ingredients. But you're hardheaded. You don't listen. You want to do it your way. That's not how it works. Everything has instructions to follow, including being on a healthy diet.
I, myself, have changed my eating habits. I only use snacks for what they're for, and very sparingly. I keep them tucked way back in the pantry or cupboard in the dark where I can even see them so that I won't be inclined to reach for it. I'm feasting on what's good for me; food that will nourish, strengthen, and sustain me for the long haul, and tastes good, too. I'm not even into trying samples of new stuff without having done my research on it. I would love for you to start a new plan with me, but like all addicts, you have to detox when you're ready.
Like Tevin Campbell sang, I'm Ready...or LeVert, Baby, I'm Ready. Unfortunately for you, I'm serving a five course, gourmet meal that you probably can't even digest.

Dinner is served! I wish you were able to dine with me.

Love, 
ME

You got a Love Jones? I want a New Edition of love. Kick Rocks, preferably Brownstones.

Dear Dick,

You're starting to feel the effects of my distance. I can tell it's really taking it's toll on you. Now you got a Love Jones but all you want is what you want when you want it. If it was really love that would be urgent like a mu... And If It Isn't Love why do I feel this way? Why do we stay on each others' minds? If it isn't love, why does it hurt so bad and sometimes make me feel so sad inside? I'm not looking for just an affair. I want a love that is based on truth, not dare. If You Love Me, say it. If you trust me, do it. If you want me, show it. If you need me, prove it. Actions speak louder than words, so don't just say things I've already heard. I don't want your body without your soul. I don't want a love that will cum here and go. It does not hurt my pride that right now you decide that you are not ready to settle down. But, if you want my heart then it's time that you start to act like your mine in the light and the dark. If you care you gotta show it and true love we'll share.
I heard it through the Grapevyne that you ain't feeling too fine and I hope you that you much feel much better. It happened on the day I left. Since that day you haven't been the best. You had my faith, you had my trust, you had my love. I had to take it back. It didn't work for us. All I really needed was your loving. Now I'm 5 Miles To Empty. You can spare me all your sorry details. I've had enough of all your lies and my silent cries. I need a man who's going to do me right. I need a good man to fill me up. I need a good man to give me love. My heart is running low. Quit being such a dick.

Love,
Me

Jesus is Love - NOT YOU

Dear Dick,

I wanna know what love is.
I want you to show me.
I wanna feel what love is.
I need you to show me.

Since we are children of God I want today's letter to focus on just that. Jesus is love, but I want you to show me. I want you to show me Jesus' type of love - the same type of love Christ has for the church - by giving your life for me, and I'll show you the true meaning of submission. I'll allow you to lead me, show me undying compassion, quench my thirst and I'll serve you, man. You pour it out and I'll drink it up. But you must show me perfect love. That doesn't mean I expect you to be perfect, but I expect you to seek God in the areas in which you are least perfect. God's love perfects us. God commands us to love each other as we love ourselves. Based on your actions, well...keep growing.
I love you and I need you or God wouldn't have made me for you. I look forward to having you as a Bible Study partner. Morning Word is the only thing better than Morning Wood. The best part of waking up is when Jesus fills your cup. Be blessed.

Love,
Me

If You Don't Fit, Don't Force It

Dear Dick,

Hey there, how's it hanging? I'm trying to be like LeVert, just cooling, but it's pretty hot and sticky here, but no sweat. I wish there were something you could do to help but I'm just going to relax and let it go. Let me give it to you straight from the hip: you still have a lot of growing to do. I'm sure you have your own opinions on the matter and probably feel I could tighten up some myself, but believe I'm tight where I need to be, and the places that could use it, the right Dick will me help me lose it. I'm just sayin'. I'm tight, but not rigid. I can stretch for the person who's done and is doing the right amount of growing. I'm not knocking where you are because I don't know where you've been, but I can only give you so much wiggle room to get there, so you just can't do it here. I'm not going to say I'm sorry, and nor do I apologize for not being the right fit for so many of you.
Timing is everything. I'm going to give you a little more away from me for now.

Love,

Me

Soften Up, Bend A Little

Dear Dick,

Can I tell you something without you getting too bent out of shape? The closer I get to you, the further I want to be from you. I know, here I go acting just like a woman. I've been saying I want you and now that I'm about to get you I say I want something else and push you away. Let's look at from this point - I've wanted you for a long time now and couldn't have you. I have to be careful before I let you get all the way into me. You've been so afraid of commitment. I don't know if you've really changed. Besides, it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind. I guess this is why men say women don't know what they want. Sure we do! We know exactly what we want when we want it, at that time. A moment sooner or a moment later, we just might want something different, that's all. There's nothing indecisive or fickle about that. 0;-D I'm sorry you're so unwavering and inflexible. You don't always have to be so stiff. Soften up! What are you, on Viagra or something? Bend just a little, won't you? (to the left, preferably) You don't always have to be so hard on me. We just need a little bit more time apart. I still love you.

Signed,

Me

I Dream of Weanie

Hey Dick,

What's going on with you today? You showed up in my dreams over the weekend. You were attached to someone I've never even met or seen in person, for that matter, and you had the nerve to be playing coy. It was an extreme turn on. So much so that it was even pleasing that you weren't trying to get into me. All that mattered was that we held each other close and tight, and for a very long time. It was the sweetest thing I've experienced since that one dream I had about you when you were wearing the proverbial cape, but you also wore the proverbial armor and not only rode in on a proverbial 'white-horse' (that shiny black car) but you bought me my own. I'm happy I'm the kind of girl whose dreams always come true. I can't wait to wake up and meet you.
Don't you spend too much time hanging out this holiday. Get you a little air and then cover back up. If you do go out and it's wet, make sure you have your raincoat.

Love,
Me

Blue Moon

Dear Dick,

Just like with you on many a Friday night, the internet wasn't cooperating and I couldn't get a connection. I was trying to write you that night, my distant love. Right now you're as far away from me as the moon, it seems.

We often refer to seldom occurrences of happenings as 'once in a Blue Moon'. I'm sad that I can compare how often I see you to this time period, as well. As a matter of fact, I saw a "Blue Moon" Friday night and I still don't know when I'll see you again. The "Blue Moon" isn't due to return until 2015 so I do hope it's before then. Have you ever heard a wolf cry at the Blue Corn Moon? I live in an area rich with Indigenous history and I have a feeling some heard that howl. It wasn't a wolf, nor a coyote - it was me. It was my cry out for you, Dick. Some married people joke and say they remember when they used to have sex all the time, before they got married. Now they only get it on a holiday. NOT the case here. It was a holiday weekend and I didn't even know where you were. It's more like a leap year occurrence for me.
I took advantage of the peace and quiet of not having to argue (jokingly) over who's better at lighting the grill or grilling, or that my potato salad and baked beans are better than ya mama's. But I thought of you while I feasted on chicken drummettes, and rib bones, while licking an ice cream cone, sucking on Popsicles, and while a warm chocolate brownie melted in my mouth. When waves crashed on the beach and when those fireworks finally exploded...you were on my mind.
I hope you enjoyed the weekend and didn't play too hard.

Love,
Me