Nice Seeing You For A Change

Dear Dick,

How you hangin’? I see you being all large and in charge, trying to get into something new. Your game is still long and strong, but I like seeing you in a different way now. I don’t have to have a handle on you as much as I used to in the past. You’ve always roamed free, but you always come back to me. Now I can boldly look you in the eye and have a grown up conversation with you. I mean, I know you’ll always try to spit at me because that’s who you are, but we can relate better because I’m better. No matter how many ins and outs, or ups and downs, it remains deep between us. I just have to wait for the right YOU to come around because YOU ARE COMING! 
I LOOK FORWARD to the day I get my hands on you again. But for now, I’m going to remain in controlled contact. Don’t worry. I’ll never lose my desire for you. I love you. I really, really miss you.  I long for you with my entire being, but you’re not what’s most important in my life right now. I know you’ll always be there for me when I need you. Until then...

Sincerely,

Your Loving, Well-Intended, and Often Inappropriate Angel

Still Learning

Dear Dick,

You know, sometimes you have been hard on me. Sometimes you've been too soft. You've often given me your best and your worst but from the worst of you I have learned and am still learning valuable lessons. Lately I've been writing a lot more and it was a time when I we only had mental contact that you gave me the most. One time you said to me that "whatever it is you want to do most in life, as your career, you should devote the amount of time that you would working in a day developing that craft." I don't even know why I allowed you to appeal to me at that time but it was things like that which made me allow you to be around and why I like to keep you around. You ooze with a different substance that I just can't get from my well-meaning sister-friends. Another reason why I love you and will never give up on you. I seem distant from you, like I don't want to be bothered with all of you, but I know that I was created just for you. 
I silently watch you in the distance. Everything you do is for us or because of us. If you act like a butt-hole, it is often because of a woman. When you show off, it is because of womankind. When you are trying to be impressive it is only because you want us. I know this. 

I still miss you, but I'm still learning. I'm not just growing older, I'm growing wiser. You keep growing, too, and someday we'll be together again. 

I'm going to workout and try to keep things tight for you.

Love, 

Me

Queue Taps

"Day is done. Gone the sun..." 

You get the picture. No, it's not the end of the world and the Sun will rise again, but my romantical love life is dead, kinda, a little bit, almost, in a way, it seems. Thank God life ain't always what it seems. I could just look at it as a hiatus. Yeah, that's it. ...a break. It's not broke...n. It still works. sigh Dear old Dick is just who he is, doing what he does, but I'm not counting the days...or months. I'm keeping track of the years, though. 

I've put myself back in counseling. I see dating and relationship expert Steve Ward on a somewhat regular basis, whenever a season of Tough Love is airing on VH-1. I felt like a bad, Black comedienne and actress for not having seen the movie Think Like A Man, so I accidentally got a refresher session while watching that, too. Burned my britches to know I'm still making a couple of my biggest mistakes, so I'm glad Dick and I have been distant.

Dear Dick,

I don't miss you nearly as much as I used to miss you. I know you're always there. Heck, you're hanging around everywhere I go. I'm not checking for you or anything. I just know you'll be there when I'm ready for you. 

I still have nothing but love for you. 

Until we meet again...

Love, 

Me

Soften Up, Bend A Little

Dear Dick,

Can I tell you something without you getting too bent out of shape? The closer I get to you, the further I want to be from you. I know, here I go acting just like a woman. I've been saying I want you and now that I'm about to get you I say I want something else and push you away. Let's look at from this point - I've wanted you for a long time now and couldn't have you. I have to be careful before I let you get all the way into me. You've been so afraid of commitment. I don't know if you've really changed. Besides, it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind. I guess this is why men say women don't know what they want. Sure we do! We know exactly what we want when we want it, at that time. A moment sooner or a moment later, we just might want something different, that's all. There's nothing indecisive or fickle about that. 0;-D I'm sorry you're so unwavering and inflexible. You don't always have to be so stiff. Soften up! What are you, on Viagra or something? Bend just a little, won't you? (to the left, preferably) You don't always have to be so hard on me. We just need a little bit more time apart. I still love you.

Signed,

Me

Blue Moon

Dear Dick,

Just like with you on many a Friday night, the internet wasn't cooperating and I couldn't get a connection. I was trying to write you that night, my distant love. Right now you're as far away from me as the moon, it seems.

We often refer to seldom occurrences of happenings as 'once in a Blue Moon'. I'm sad that I can compare how often I see you to this time period, as well. As a matter of fact, I saw a "Blue Moon" Friday night and I still don't know when I'll see you again. The "Blue Moon" isn't due to return until 2015 so I do hope it's before then. Have you ever heard a wolf cry at the Blue Corn Moon? I live in an area rich with Indigenous history and I have a feeling some heard that howl. It wasn't a wolf, nor a coyote - it was me. It was my cry out for you, Dick. Some married people joke and say they remember when they used to have sex all the time, before they got married. Now they only get it on a holiday. NOT the case here. It was a holiday weekend and I didn't even know where you were. It's more like a leap year occurrence for me.
I took advantage of the peace and quiet of not having to argue (jokingly) over who's better at lighting the grill or grilling, or that my potato salad and baked beans are better than ya mama's. But I thought of you while I feasted on chicken drummettes, and rib bones, while licking an ice cream cone, sucking on Popsicles, and while a warm chocolate brownie melted in my mouth. When waves crashed on the beach and when those fireworks finally exploded...you were on my mind.
I hope you enjoyed the weekend and didn't play too hard.

Love,
Me

A Hole In One

Dear Dick,

I'm starting to hear from you a lot, again. I know you, too, want us to be closer, but there is more than meets the eye here. This is an inside job. I'm more than just a pretty face and sexy body. If you want me to get a taste of what's going on in your head, you have to be interested in what's in mine. You're satisfied with what's on the surface but you have to want more if you want to explore. It's kind of a violation if all you do is rub against me or poke me, even when we're dressed, or when you lightly, playfully slap me when we're not. You can't stop being into me after entering me one way only. I know in golf a hole in one is great but it's so much more relaxing and enjoyable to play more holes. Think of the hours you spend on the green. You don't just spend time swinging your golf stick. You start with some practice swings and some putting, but you don't only hit it. Maybe sometimes you just like to spend time at the driving range but you spend a lot of time just standing around talking, too. You enjoy the scenery. You spend some time in thought, also. 

Let's look at all the holes on me you can enjoy: You can look into my eyes; you can spend time whispering sweet things in my ears; you can actually listen (I know you can) to what comes out of my mouth. Those are ways you can keep me from giving you a lot of what comes out of another end. (SMILE)

So how about it? Treat me like an enjoyable day on the golf course. Start early in the day. Wear appropriate clothing. Plan to spend a lot of time. Let's talk a little. Breathe me in and enjoy the scenery...and maybe I'll let you do more of swinging that 9 iron of yours.

Love,
Me

I Can't Get Over You

Dear Dick,

Right now I have Frankie Beverly playing in my head: I can't get over you. I Can't Get Over You in either way, right now. I can't get over you, Dick, I can't get under you...then I hear Rose Royce and I Wanna Get Next To You...and the Commodores come to mind: Just To Be Close To You...Dick. I can really feel Anita Baker right now it's Been So Long... Phyllis Hyman knew when she sang I Can't Stand This Living All Alone. I can relate to Stephanie Mills cause I need the Comfort of a Man. If you were here it would probably be like the Gap Band and you'd have me Humping day and night.
I see I missed a call from you this morning. You could have left me a video message. I can just picture it. (smiling) It's colder than The Three Degrees because I don't know When Will I See You Again.
You're just not that into me, right now, I guess.

Love,

Me

I'm Late

Dear Dick,

I bet you thought I forgot about you today. This letter is coming late, as that can sometimes happen, but it was bound to come. I couldn't forget about you. I'm sure I was probably talking to someone about you or looking at pictures of you and thinking about you. You're everywhere! Even though we've been out of touch, I'm not giving up on you. When I see you again I'm going to hold on for dear life, or at least until you make me release. (laugh)

I was just thinking how unfair it is that you can keep your shape so much easier than Vagina, no matter how much you throw yourself around or how careless you are. That's another one of those unfair things about being a woman. You don't have to have any -plasty or anything like Vagina might. People even grade you on a curve but Vagina fails to get the same treatment if her grade starts lagging or if she starts losing her shape. I heard someone say that they never gave you more than two and a half months off in life. Don't you ever get tired? I don't know how you do it, but as long as when you do it for me you just keep on doing it only for me, we'll be alright. 

 Since I waited so late to write you today, it's going to be hard for me to keep you up. I'll talk to you again in a bit.

Love, 

Me

Dear Dick,

Hey, boo, what you been into? Hopefully nothing or at least not too much. I know it's hard to stay out of things but it's really easy for you to end up in the wrong hands or worse. Some of you get into anything you can. It's not good to jump into every opportunity that opens up to you. It's definitely not good to force yourself into any, either. You know good things come to those who wait, and like that Levert song says, I Been Waiting! You can be such a sucker. Most of you think alike, but I'm glad you don't all act the same. You be careful! There are girls named Vagina everywhere that will invite into their spaces. Check 'em out good. See what else they're about. Make sure they aren't the kind that will open themselves up to every opportunity. You talk about how hard you are but that's when you're most stupid and unable think right. Your blood isn't flowing correctly at that time. God forbid you've been drinking, then everything looks good. That's really when you'll get into just about anything if you haven't grown up.
Speaking of drinking, it's good I don't do much of that anymore. That's when I couldn't wait to get my hands on you! That liquid courage is something else! God has truly kept me when I've hung around some of you carelessly in that state mind.
How are your nutty friends? They retain a lot of fluids, don't they? You know what's funny about them? (chuckle) They don't mind being juggled and sharing a woman with you, even though some of you like to have more than one woman at a time. (shaking my head) Are your nutty friends hairy? What about you? Nothing wrong with it as long as it's tamed. That doesn't just go for Vagina, you need to keep things in order, too. Especially if you want to be able to take a good licking.
Well, I'm not going to keep you. I know you can have a short attention span. When we get together, though, I'm going to need your undivided attention, okay?
Gosh I love you!

Signed,
Me

I MISS YOU

Dear Dick,

I love you, but you are really overrated. I'm glad your attached to so many of my friends, some of them great people. I'm glad I can accept you for being just what you are in other cases. I hope to see you again soon, and one day even become lovers again, but I'm in no rush.

I hate that you are so misused & put on a pedastal by so many. You're a great asset but you mean nothing when attached to those who don't know their real worth. The same goes for your best friend, Vagina. I know she's a trip and without her where would you be but stuck up some asshole or in the wrong hands. (chuckle) You two fit so beautifully. That's just one thing I love about you. Maybe next time I see you I'll give you a big ol' kiss! I hope you know how to act.

In the meantime, I'll be thinking about you...a lot! Take care, stay clean, & wear a hat if you go out in the rain.

Love,

Me