MANDINGO

Dear Dick,

What's up? You popped up on my computer screen again last night. There was a picture of you hanging tough in Africa. I just stared and stared, and stared at you hard, for a long, long, long, long time. It was as if you knew I was looking, but being coy. I now have a better picture on how that saying came about, "Once you go Black..." I understand how some of my sisters have ignored the culture clash and married brothers from the Mother Land knowing that differences would create difficulty in the union, but Dick you are Mighty! ...more mighty than Aphrodite! I see why they put forth the effort even though it was a long shot! (Ha!) I see and get that understanding for myself. If I didn't know from their experiences I might even step up to the plate and give it a bat. (I crack me up.) I thought a small child was hanging from your waist by one arm. I'm kidding, you know I love playing with you.
I can't believe I've gone so long without you. I know you miss me, too. Don't choke yourself to death playing without me, okay? Sometimes Vagina gets played with so much she just becomes numb to it. I don't know if that happens to you unless maybe someone takes you on a wild ride. What makes you go numb? Never mind, I don't want to know.
It's time for me to cook dinner and even though I have a real hankering for beans and wieners, just like recently, I'm not going to have any meat today.
You know I'll be thinking about you. Can't wait to spend some time with you again.

Love,
Me

I MISS YOU

Dear Dick,

I love you, but you are really overrated. I'm glad your attached to so many of my friends, some of them great people. I'm glad I can accept you for being just what you are in other cases. I hope to see you again soon, and one day even become lovers again, but I'm in no rush.

I hate that you are so misused & put on a pedastal by so many. You're a great asset but you mean nothing when attached to those who don't know their real worth. The same goes for your best friend, Vagina. I know she's a trip and without her where would you be but stuck up some asshole or in the wrong hands. (chuckle) You two fit so beautifully. That's just one thing I love about you. Maybe next time I see you I'll give you a big ol' kiss! I hope you know how to act.

In the meantime, I'll be thinking about you...a lot! Take care, stay clean, & wear a hat if you go out in the rain.

Love,

Me